Yeah, so, there's this Limey soul singer I have noticed recently - she has a voice that sounds like she has smoked 4 packs of ciggies a day since 1968, but she's all of 20 years young. She's phenomenal. A real talent. She' the Bizzaro Amy Winehorse.
I say this 'cause she belts out jazzy soul-pop like The Equine Pop-Wreck, but she appears to run about 2 bills or so. I've seen the video on VH1. She's a husky gal, in other woids. You could probably fit 3 Winehorses into one leg of Adele's knickers.
I don't care. I'm in love. With Adele, that is. There's just more of you to love, babydoll.
As long as you whisper sweet somethings in my ear in that smoke-broken, or perhaps more accurately, that smoked turkey sangwich raspy voice of yours, I would continue to lovingly feed you Bangers & Mash in a Blanket or Baby Seals In Kentucky Gravy, or Flash-Fried Pay Day Bars or what ever your little heart desires.
Oh yeah. I'll Chase Your Pavement, baby. Chase it all the way to Tottenham and back for a whiff of your Beans n' Toast.
My little Bacon Beautie... sigh...
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
Reflections On The Final Countdown
Y’know what would be awesome – if you had a Dirt Knapsack to take with you when you laid down for your Dirt Nap.
Whatever you could fit in the Dirt Knapsack you could take with you to the Other Side.
Which begs the question, what would you put in your Dirt Knapsack?
As for myself, I would include my Cutter & Buck windbreaker, my Carrots book collection, and 2 fifths of Cutty Sark.
The End.
Oh, Yes... my Final Reward will also include the Final Countdown.
Yes, the greatest song the Go-Go 80's had to offer.
By a little ol' band from Sweden? The magnificently coifed 'Europe'?
You know the one.
Anyways, their biggest hit stateside was the as-ever anthemic 'The Final Countdown', featuring the greatest synth-riff ever:
Dee-duh-dee-dee
Dee-duh-dee-dee-dee
Dee-duh-dee-dee... deeee... deeeee...
Yeah... so... I'm gonna have a little electric eye on my gravestone after I shuffle off (rocking the Dirt Knapsack, natch)
and when you step in front of my tombstone it'll go ahead and play that Final Countdown half-ass French Horn lick.
In 8-bit Nintendo format.
Loud and proud.
AND
I'm gonna scratch precious words from the song on the granite marker for my epitaph:
We're heading for Venus and still we stand tall
Cause maybe they've seen us and welcome us all
With so many light years to go and things to be found
I'm sure that we'll all miss her so.
... I don't know what that means but it's all pretty bitchin'.
Couldn't Joey Tempast (the lead singer of Europe and writer of Epic Ditty) have come with something better to rhyme with "Venus" than "seen us"?
Go ahead and scheme it, Zima breath.
Hee hee
That's what she said.
Or is it... he?
Gary out
Not the Closet
of the blog
Whatever you could fit in the Dirt Knapsack you could take with you to the Other Side.
Which begs the question, what would you put in your Dirt Knapsack?
As for myself, I would include my Cutter & Buck windbreaker, my Carrots book collection, and 2 fifths of Cutty Sark.
The End.
Oh, Yes... my Final Reward will also include the Final Countdown.
Yes, the greatest song the Go-Go 80's had to offer.
By a little ol' band from Sweden? The magnificently coifed 'Europe'?
You know the one.
Anyways, their biggest hit stateside was the as-ever anthemic 'The Final Countdown', featuring the greatest synth-riff ever:
Dee-duh-dee-dee
Dee-duh-dee-dee-dee
Dee-duh-dee-dee... deeee... deeeee...
Yeah... so... I'm gonna have a little electric eye on my gravestone after I shuffle off (rocking the Dirt Knapsack, natch)
and when you step in front of my tombstone it'll go ahead and play that Final Countdown half-ass French Horn lick.
In 8-bit Nintendo format.
Loud and proud.
AND
I'm gonna scratch precious words from the song on the granite marker for my epitaph:
We're heading for Venus and still we stand tall
Cause maybe they've seen us and welcome us all
With so many light years to go and things to be found
I'm sure that we'll all miss her so.
... I don't know what that means but it's all pretty bitchin'.
Couldn't Joey Tempast (the lead singer of Europe and writer of Epic Ditty) have come with something better to rhyme with "Venus" than "seen us"?
Go ahead and scheme it, Zima breath.
Hee hee
That's what she said.
Or is it... he?
Gary out
Not the Closet
of the blog
Friday, June 6, 2008
Gothic Lumberjack Festival
There are two events going on this weekend near my home - A festival of Goths in one place and a Lumberjack festival in another place.
I want to go to both, but y'know what wood be exponentially more fun? To combine 2 great tastes!
A Gothic Lumberjaack Festival!
Hell yeah, Mom!
Can I borrow the cah, maw?
I gotta go to the Gothic Lumberjack Fetival!
What?
What is it?
Well, its - goddammit, ma... can I just borrow the cah?
Please? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE! PLEASE!
YES!
I'll get you wine-in-the -box!
And some Vahginahs!
I'll gas it up! MA! PLEASE!
I want to go to both, but y'know what wood be exponentially more fun? To combine 2 great tastes!
A Gothic Lumberjaack Festival!
Hell yeah, Mom!
Can I borrow the cah, maw?
I gotta go to the Gothic Lumberjack Fetival!
What?
What is it?
Well, its - goddammit, ma... can I just borrow the cah?
Please? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE! PLEASE!
YES!
I'll get you wine-in-the -box!
And some Vahginahs!
I'll gas it up! MA! PLEASE!
I"LL BUY YOU SOME VIRGINAHS! CMON!
See the vid! Uh huh...
I don't kow what is going on with those pants he has on
like the crotch is over his left leg or something
anyhoo it's entertaining
where'd he get that jacket
michael jackson garage sale?
he must get a ton of tail
so I wonder how he does those effects
I think he has pedals
I saw him hit one at like 3L47
3:47
no way
he has integrity
hehe
whatever
integrity?
yes
that is probably his room in the attic of his ma's house
maybe her jacket
you could make the same sounds with yer hand
uh oh
"Ma - i need to borrow yer jacket - I got a gig"
"MA! I'LL BRING IT BACK!"
aw, CMON!
5:15 PM
"MAAAAAAA! I'M BORROWING THE CAR FOR THE GIG TOO"
maybe his mom is bea aurthur
I PROMISE ILL PUT GAS IN IT CMON! PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE!
GAWD I HATE YOU! DAD WOULD HAVE LET ME TAKE IT IF YOU HADN'T PUSHED HIM DOWN THE BASEMENT STAIRS AFTE RYOU LOST THAT BRIDGE GAME
I"LL BUY YOU SOME VIRGINAHS! CMON!
hehe
that was fun
is this goign in your blog?
YES!
done and done
ALL DONE WITH MY BLOG! I'LL STOP SHOUTING NOW!
I don't kow what is going on with those pants he has on
like the crotch is over his left leg or something
anyhoo it's entertaining
where'd he get that jacket
michael jackson garage sale?
he must get a ton of tail
so I wonder how he does those effects
I think he has pedals
I saw him hit one at like 3L47
3:47
no way
he has integrity
hehe
whatever
integrity?
yes
that is probably his room in the attic of his ma's house
maybe her jacket
you could make the same sounds with yer hand
uh oh
"Ma - i need to borrow yer jacket - I got a gig"
"MA! I'LL BRING IT BACK!"
aw, CMON!
5:15 PM
"MAAAAAAA! I'M BORROWING THE CAR FOR THE GIG TOO"
maybe his mom is bea aurthur
I PROMISE ILL PUT GAS IN IT CMON! PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE!
GAWD I HATE YOU! DAD WOULD HAVE LET ME TAKE IT IF YOU HADN'T PUSHED HIM DOWN THE BASEMENT STAIRS AFTE RYOU LOST THAT BRIDGE GAME
I"LL BUY YOU SOME VIRGINAHS! CMON!
hehe
that was fun
is this goign in your blog?
YES!
done and done
ALL DONE WITH MY BLOG! I'LL STOP SHOUTING NOW!
Friday, May 9, 2008
Brad what is his name -yes, Mephistophiles
2:39 PM
totally
2:40 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VAFIDVSF1k
you are going to like this
holy crap
Sorry to be a debbie downer but P. Swayze might have seen his last X-mas
Sob
that was incredible
no way - he's gonna say to the grim reaper it's my way or the highway
it's time to not be nice - to the big 'C'
... and by big 'C' i mean... y'know...
2:45 PM
hehe
I think someone should tell him it's time to not be nice
no, he tells you when it's time
well he needs to smack down the big C
exactly
he needs to not let the Big C drive a monster truck thru his pancreas
right
let the giant polar bear of death crush him
he needs to send the Big C flaoting back across the pond - defeated
floating
flatulating across the pond
that too
did you like in that tribute where that dude was rocking on the porche
porch
actually RH is a giant metaphor
blog tyme
the old man w/ the beard is god
snap
P.S. is JC
sunnova
sent to heathen earth to clean it up (double deuce
yes!
garret or Wade? is John The Baptist... "mejo?
yes
exactly
kelly lynch is mary magoline
The meeting he has with the other bouncers? Last Supper
holy crap
that one claw dude was judus
the guy in the rocker is lucifer
sweet nelly
I can't wait to see what you come up with for your blog over the weekend
Brad what s his name -yes, Mephistophiles
dude
sean hates roadhouse
I think this might be a bit of a sticking point
this is my blog
not after you point out the metaphor
I guess he hates jesus
omg!
jeff Healy is like the Greek Choir
hehe
totally
2:40 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VAFIDVSF1k
you are going to like this
holy crap
Sorry to be a debbie downer but P. Swayze might have seen his last X-mas
Sob
that was incredible
no way - he's gonna say to the grim reaper it's my way or the highway
it's time to not be nice - to the big 'C'
... and by big 'C' i mean... y'know...
2:45 PM
hehe
I think someone should tell him it's time to not be nice
no, he tells you when it's time
well he needs to smack down the big C
exactly
he needs to not let the Big C drive a monster truck thru his pancreas
right
let the giant polar bear of death crush him
he needs to send the Big C flaoting back across the pond - defeated
floating
flatulating across the pond
that too
did you like in that tribute where that dude was rocking on the porche
porch
actually RH is a giant metaphor
blog tyme
the old man w/ the beard is god
snap
P.S. is JC
sunnova
sent to heathen earth to clean it up (double deuce
yes!
garret or Wade? is John The Baptist... "mejo?
yes
exactly
kelly lynch is mary magoline
The meeting he has with the other bouncers? Last Supper
holy crap
that one claw dude was judus
the guy in the rocker is lucifer
sweet nelly
I can't wait to see what you come up with for your blog over the weekend
Brad what s his name -yes, Mephistophiles
dude
sean hates roadhouse
I think this might be a bit of a sticking point
this is my blog
not after you point out the metaphor
I guess he hates jesus
omg!
jeff Healy is like the Greek Choir
hehe
Monday, May 5, 2008
A. MY Winehorse won't record Bond track
She won't record Bond track
http://music.yahoo.com/read/news/46570241
"Producer Mark Ronson says he and Amy Winehouse have abandoned recording the theme to the latest James Bond film because the singer is not ready to work."
"Ronson says the singer is "not ready to record any music." He produced much of Winehouse's Grammy-winning "Back to Black." He made the comments in an interview with Sky News on Friday."
"Ronson says the two started work on the track for the upcoming Bond movie "Quantum of Solace" but it would take "some miracle of science" to finish it."
Hmm? A. MY Winehorse can't drag her mal-noirished ass into the studio to crap out ONE song? Not an album of fresh material, mind you. One lousy Bond song?
How much energy and mental mettle does it take to slur and swallow your vowels to the point where it sounds like you're trying to sing whilst simultaneously cramming a large cranberry muffin down your throat?
If you're too fucked up to do that, you are mostly on the wrong side of dead.
You have one foot out of the grave.
You are pants-shitting drunk. (O.K., I stole that, but it's apt. APT, I tells ya.)
You are 60 beats shy of a pulse.
You are shopping at Dead Bathetic and Beyond the Grave in preparation for your High Threadcount Dirt Nap. (Whoo!)
Dig if you will the picture:
Pitcher catching that hair-hump from the top of A. MY Winehorse's head and making a cup o' tea thru it?
Mmmm... see you in hell, my friend.
If one were to quaff a sip..
Twood be a bad acid trip thru the bowels of hell accompanied by explosive diorama.
You'd be vomiting up nicotine resin and mutated lice and cat crotch lint and congealed morphine slurry and vapors and megrims and shit for like, 17 weeks or something.
Small price too pay.
I got nothing else.
EOM
Mmmm... (sigh) 'Gary Winehorse' - I'm writing that on my Pee Chee folder.
O.K., really eom this time
http://music.yahoo.com/read/news/46570241
"Producer Mark Ronson says he and Amy Winehouse have abandoned recording the theme to the latest James Bond film because the singer is not ready to work."
"Ronson says the singer is "not ready to record any music." He produced much of Winehouse's Grammy-winning "Back to Black." He made the comments in an interview with Sky News on Friday."
"Ronson says the two started work on the track for the upcoming Bond movie "Quantum of Solace" but it would take "some miracle of science" to finish it."
Hmm? A. MY Winehorse can't drag her mal-noirished ass into the studio to crap out ONE song? Not an album of fresh material, mind you. One lousy Bond song?
How much energy and mental mettle does it take to slur and swallow your vowels to the point where it sounds like you're trying to sing whilst simultaneously cramming a large cranberry muffin down your throat?
If you're too fucked up to do that, you are mostly on the wrong side of dead.
You have one foot out of the grave.
You are pants-shitting drunk. (O.K., I stole that, but it's apt. APT, I tells ya.)
You are 60 beats shy of a pulse.
You are shopping at Dead Bathetic and Beyond the Grave in preparation for your High Threadcount Dirt Nap. (Whoo!)
Dig if you will the picture:
Pitcher catching that hair-hump from the top of A. MY Winehorse's head and making a cup o' tea thru it?
Mmmm... see you in hell, my friend.
If one were to quaff a sip..
Twood be a bad acid trip thru the bowels of hell accompanied by explosive diorama.
You'd be vomiting up nicotine resin and mutated lice and cat crotch lint and congealed morphine slurry and vapors and megrims and shit for like, 17 weeks or something.
Small price too pay.
I got nothing else.
EOM
Mmmm... (sigh) 'Gary Winehorse' - I'm writing that on my Pee Chee folder.
O.K., really eom this time
Cinco de Mayo Fun.
Yes – they’re making a giant margarita. Later, we can swim in it.
--------------------------------------
Didja read this? We’re all going Hawaii! Yay!
I want to get my cave on with Vincent Price, if I you know what I mean.
-------------------------------------
Subject: Something to add to your Ed Begley, Jr.-esque sense of self-satisfaction...
http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20080505/sc_livescience/howtofightglobalwarmingatd
_____________________________________________
Doh it didn’t work. Thanks for being my buzzkill. :(
_____________________________________
Sorry, here ‘tis...
http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20080505/sc_livescience/howtofightglobalwarmingatdinner
_____________________________________
Yeah screw you, meat eaters. But honestly, if everyone was a veg, we would just have other problems. It’s the circle of life, baby.
_____________________________________
I think if we simply started to eat each other it would solve many of the world’s problems.
Especially if we kept it local. It wood cut down on the whole transport thing.
I smell almonds. I’m gonna eat ‘em.
It's blog-time - or a brain tumor. I'll roll either way.
_____________________________________
I know who I would start with, Sean. He is like chicken cordon blue, loaded with cheese.
_____________________________________
I agree – his life-long love of cheese would really pay off.
Mmmm... Cannibalicious...
eom
-------------------------------
I handed out Black Ice tree car-fresheners in observance of Cinco de Mayo today.
It's an old family tradition going back several weeks.
You gotta be careful how you say, "Black Ice" 'cause it can sound like you're saying, "Black Guys" and that can be trouble.
Trouble with a capitol 'T' for a transparently white mayonnaise-eating boy like me.
Enjoy Cinco de Mayonnaise, Zima breath...
eom
Garish out
--------------------------------------
Didja read this? We’re all going Hawaii! Yay!
I want to get my cave on with Vincent Price, if I you know what I mean.
-------------------------------------
Subject: Something to add to your Ed Begley, Jr.-esque sense of self-satisfaction...
http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20080505/sc_livescience/howtofightglobalwarmingatd
_____________________________________________
Doh it didn’t work. Thanks for being my buzzkill. :(
_____________________________________
Sorry, here ‘tis...
http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20080505/sc_livescience/howtofightglobalwarmingatdinner
_____________________________________
Yeah screw you, meat eaters. But honestly, if everyone was a veg, we would just have other problems. It’s the circle of life, baby.
_____________________________________
I think if we simply started to eat each other it would solve many of the world’s problems.
Especially if we kept it local. It wood cut down on the whole transport thing.
I smell almonds. I’m gonna eat ‘em.
It's blog-time - or a brain tumor. I'll roll either way.
_____________________________________
I know who I would start with, Sean. He is like chicken cordon blue, loaded with cheese.
_____________________________________
I agree – his life-long love of cheese would really pay off.
Mmmm... Cannibalicious...
eom
-------------------------------
I handed out Black Ice tree car-fresheners in observance of Cinco de Mayo today.
It's an old family tradition going back several weeks.
You gotta be careful how you say, "Black Ice" 'cause it can sound like you're saying, "Black Guys" and that can be trouble.
Trouble with a capitol 'T' for a transparently white mayonnaise-eating boy like me.
Enjoy Cinco de Mayonnaise, Zima breath...
eom
Garish out
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